Throughout all of your experimentation with rough sex, it’s important to be open-minded with yourself and your partner, emphasizes Balestrieri.
“Try not to put any judgment on why you like the things you like or why they like what they like,” she says, noting that the fact is that rough sex can stimulate your nervous system in its own unique way, and enjoying these acts says nothing moral or value-based about who you or your partner are as people.
The bottom-line, according to Balestrieri: “When we withhold judgment, we can be far more expansive in our ability to give and receive pleasure.”
Whether your main experience with aggressive sex thus far includes bingeing the Fifty Shades series or you’re a seasoned pro at incorporating hair pulling, lip biting, and spanking into your bedroom repertoire, it can feel like there’s always more to learn about having rough sex – especially because the definition is a fluid one.
Kate Balestrieri, Psy.D., sex and intimacy therapist and founder of Modern Intimacy, explains, “The definition of rough sex is very subjective and varies on every person’s threshold of pain and discomfort.” But no matter what it looks like to you, “consent is imperative,” she adds.
Here, how to figure out if rough sex is for you – and the best practices for having the most pleasurable experience, according to experts.